Yeah I sat through the new Twilight movie and watched all the young AND OLDER women gasp, giggle, and awe at a half naked guy for nearly two hours. I couldn’t help as I looked around at the drooling hormone engorged mob of women (including my date) that if this were a bunch of young and old men there would be a big difference.

Why is that we as a society are not only okay with older woman openly expressing feelings of wanting to defile our underage youth, but are supposed to actually think it’s cute?

I think if women want equal rights then they need to be held to the same standard men are. Men are expected to keep their emotions and their feelings of lust in check… especially when they involve under age girls! These old dusty women don’t even realize how pathetic they look oogling over a kid who is likely gay and certainly would be repulsed by them if he ever saw them in real life even if he wasn’t.

We need to protect our poor, helpless, defenseless young men from the hoard of horny sex fiend woman that would abuse them! Lets rally together and boo audiences around the world as they try to make us men feel like it’s okay for them to behave in a way they would comdemn us for. It’s time to rise up and seize the moment and turn this polished turd they call the Twilight saga into a catalyst for equality for the sexes! Who is with me?

We are going to disregard the obvious shoe fetish angle, so you shoe freak guys will have to get your fix somewhere else!

HE SAID:

Shoes, WTF! As I guy I can tell you that I understand there is a need for more than one pair of shoes. I myself have several shoes. So what kind of shoes are normal, acceptable, and maybe even required for everyday life?

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Casual shoes: Your going to need some loafers, flip flops, or Jesus sandals for those days when you have to go outside on your day off to check the mail and you know people will look at you funny if your barefoot. Depending on your station in life will determine what type of casual foot ware you have, but everyone needs at least one set of casuals for the bummy days.

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Sporty Shoes: Even if you don’t exercise (lazy bastard) your still gonna need to don a pair of sporty kicks when you take the kids to Disney or head to your friends house for some socializing. For the 30% of Americans that actually do exercise you’ll need something comfy that won’t irritate your hangnail while your huffing it down the road trying to whip your sorry ass into shape for the summer!

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Work Shoes: Acceptable shoes that can appear in real man’s closet include a pair of nice brown shoes and nice black shoes. That’s it my friends. Sure you might be one of the new metro semi in the closet gay types that need more, but you need to be reading the woman’s section below where you’ll fine someone that thinks a bit more like you! Real men only need two colors that can go with whatever they might have to wear to work or parties.

There you have it. An acceptable shoe level for a real man’s closet would include a casual footwear, sneakers, and two pairs of dress shoes. That’s 4 pairs of shoes my friends. Anything more than that is completely unnecessary. So what’s with the women, the metros and the gays and their shoes fetish?

If you ask me it all boils down to the fact that you folks need to gift wrap yourself. Your far too interested in improving the way you look to others. Why would you need the same shoe in four colors? Is the shoe that damn cool that you gotta have the SAME shoe to match your blue pants, your pink pants, and your green pants??? Save all that money and let us buy a new Playstation 3 or save up for the 3-d televisions coming to market. At least that is something your going to use everyday day!

Remember your shoes don’t say who you are. The shit that comes out of your mouth and your actions determine who you are. Donate your shoes to charity and take some advice from the great Tyler Durden.. “The things you own end up owning you”.

SHE SAID:

Shoes… how can you not love them? I mean, who can have just 20 pairs, let alone just 3! Men will never understand that you don’t just need black, brown and a running pair of shoes. You need the black strappy, the black flat, the black sexy and the black dancing, and that’s just the black basics. Everyone has to have a variety to spice things up.

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So why do women need so many shoes? Well, most women in the modern world get pedicures and what’s the point of pedicures if the shoes you have your pampered feet in are ugly or plain? When you pay $40 on your toes you want to make sure they are being showed off properly in equally nice heals.

Now another good reason why women love shoes so much is that they make us feel sexy. In the business world we are limited to the way we can dress. Anything too sexy classifies us as an office tramp, but men wont call someone a tramp because of their shoes. So a secretary or a CEO can look professional while wearing their super sexy 5 inch stilettos that have a little sparkle. It makes her feel sexy and not look like a slut.

But of course, if you wore the same sexy shoe every day, it would stop feeling sexy after a while. So… we buy lots of shoes to keep the feeling alive. I’m sure men can relate, shoes are to us as women are to you. If you stick with the same woman too long you get bored and stop feeling sexy, well same goes for our shoes. And just like men, only the good expensive ones are reliable while the cheap ones will let you down when you most need them!

What the hell is this thing about? Why do men hate it and women love it? Lets take a look at what the Opposing View on Twilight is all about.

He Said:

Okay this has to be the most retarded crazy fad since teenage girls made Titanic one of the highest grossing movies of all time. What the hell are these girls (and grown women!) freaking out about? Why is our society okay with these young impressionable girls LUSTING over “bad boys” that clearly are not what a parent would want for their kids?

I mean seriously, I have come to realize that no one knows how to obsess like a teenage girl. It reminds me of when my cat goes into heat. They become some other kind of of creature that I no longer recognize. We had the unfortunate lot to have our daughter’s 11th birthday fall very near the release of the Twilight New Moon movie. My wife and my daughters took advantage and planned an all girl Twilight movie and sleepover party to celebrate her 11th birthday. After driving these psycho creatures to the movie (they ceased existing as their own individual entities for about 12 hours and became some kind of obsessive wolf worshiping hive mind) I decided that on behalf of all men I was going to score one for the rest of us. That’s right the rest of us. Those of us that recognize Twilight is a piece of shit hack story that has been turned into a poorly written, badly acted, and highly uneven crapfest of a movie series.

I drove my hive mind pack of ab hungry pre-teens in heat beast to this movie with my vampire fangs left over from Halloween in full effect. Not only that but I covered myself in my wife’s glitter lotion so that I would be sure to “sparkle” when I stepped into the sunlight. Top that off with a big fat sign on taped to the front and back of my chest that read “Team Bella” and some black sharpy drawn on abs that I could flash randomly at people, and you have some justice!

Some times you have to show people just how retarded they have allowed themselves to become. I mean when this teenage kid takes off his shirt for the first time I looked around and thought that some soccer moms were legit orgasmic with glee. I’m sorry but no matter how a big a geek a teenage boy is about Lord of the Rings or Star Trek, you don’t see them having mass orgasm to a jail bait punk kid in unison!

Now that I have seen first hand the raving lunacy of not only young girls, but grown ass married women, I think the world owes Star Trek fans everywhere a huge apology. I encourage all men everywhere to do your part and embarass as many of these hive minded orgasm seeking psycho stalker creatures we call females as possible!

SHE SAID:

This past weekend my husband and I took 10 little girls to go see Twilight Saga New Moon. The girls had been looking forward to seeing this for about 6 months or so and I’m not ashamed to say that I am a grown woman that was just as excited.

About 2 years ago (before Twilight was a phenomenon) a co-worker handed me the first Twilight book. I have to admit, I had my doubts since it wasn’t the type of book I would have chosen for myself. The first few chapters were kind of blah since the main character Bella has no personality what so ever, but once the super gorgeous vampire (my image of Edward was not Robert Pattinson) falls for the boring mousy new girl, you start rooting for her. I quickly finished the story and moved on to the second one, New Moon. I think that book was even more boring than the first… but I kept reading it anyway. Why? Well because I just HAD to know who Bella chooses.

I’m not at all surprised that it is a huge hit. The 2 guys, who are mystical and beautiful, fighting over a not so unique girl is probably every girls dream. Even though I think it’s silly how crazy these girls get over the actors, I still peek at my daughter’s magazines and watch all the “inside” shows on “E!”

It’s kind of weird, I’m not sure what exactly draws me in, the bad writing, the boring plot or the fact that the girl is clearly choosing the wrong guy, but I enjoy being part of it. I can’t wait until Eclipse comes out.

Go team Jacob!

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