Yeah I sat through the new Twilight movie and watched all the young AND OLDER women gasp, giggle, and awe at a half naked guy for nearly two hours. I couldn’t help as I looked around at the drooling hormone engorged mob of women (including my date) that if this were a bunch of young and old men there would be a big difference.

Why is that we as a society are not only okay with older woman openly expressing feelings of wanting to defile our underage youth, but are supposed to actually think it’s cute?

I think if women want equal rights then they need to be held to the same standard men are. Men are expected to keep their emotions and their feelings of lust in check… especially when they involve under age girls! These old dusty women don’t even realize how pathetic they look oogling over a kid who is likely gay and certainly would be repulsed by them if he ever saw them in real life even if he wasn’t.

We need to protect our poor, helpless, defenseless young men from the hoard of horny sex fiend woman that would abuse them! Lets rally together and boo audiences around the world as they try to make us men feel like it’s okay for them to behave in a way they would comdemn us for. It’s time to rise up and seize the moment and turn this polished turd they call the Twilight saga into a catalyst for equality for the sexes! Who is with me?

We are going to disregard the obvious shoe fetish angle, so you shoe freak guys will have to get your fix somewhere else!

HE SAID:

Shoes, WTF! As I guy I can tell you that I understand there is a need for more than one pair of shoes. I myself have several shoes. So what kind of shoes are normal, acceptable, and maybe even required for everyday life?

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Casual shoes: Your going to need some loafers, flip flops, or Jesus sandals for those days when you have to go outside on your day off to check the mail and you know people will look at you funny if your barefoot. Depending on your station in life will determine what type of casual foot ware you have, but everyone needs at least one set of casuals for the bummy days.

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Sporty Shoes: Even if you don’t exercise (lazy bastard) your still gonna need to don a pair of sporty kicks when you take the kids to Disney or head to your friends house for some socializing. For the 30% of Americans that actually do exercise you’ll need something comfy that won’t irritate your hangnail while your huffing it down the road trying to whip your sorry ass into shape for the summer!

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Work Shoes: Acceptable shoes that can appear in real man’s closet include a pair of nice brown shoes and nice black shoes. That’s it my friends. Sure you might be one of the new metro semi in the closet gay types that need more, but you need to be reading the woman’s section below where you’ll fine someone that thinks a bit more like you! Real men only need two colors that can go with whatever they might have to wear to work or parties.

There you have it. An acceptable shoe level for a real man’s closet would include a casual footwear, sneakers, and two pairs of dress shoes. That’s 4 pairs of shoes my friends. Anything more than that is completely unnecessary. So what’s with the women, the metros and the gays and their shoes fetish?

If you ask me it all boils down to the fact that you folks need to gift wrap yourself. Your far too interested in improving the way you look to others. Why would you need the same shoe in four colors? Is the shoe that damn cool that you gotta have the SAME shoe to match your blue pants, your pink pants, and your green pants??? Save all that money and let us buy a new Playstation 3 or save up for the 3-d televisions coming to market. At least that is something your going to use everyday day!

Remember your shoes don’t say who you are. The shit that comes out of your mouth and your actions determine who you are. Donate your shoes to charity and take some advice from the great Tyler Durden.. “The things you own end up owning you”.

SHE SAID:

Shoes… how can you not love them? I mean, who can have just 20 pairs, let alone just 3! Men will never understand that you don’t just need black, brown and a running pair of shoes. You need the black strappy, the black flat, the black sexy and the black dancing, and that’s just the black basics. Everyone has to have a variety to spice things up.

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So why do women need so many shoes? Well, most women in the modern world get pedicures and what’s the point of pedicures if the shoes you have your pampered feet in are ugly or plain? When you pay $40 on your toes you want to make sure they are being showed off properly in equally nice heals.

Now another good reason why women love shoes so much is that they make us feel sexy. In the business world we are limited to the way we can dress. Anything too sexy classifies us as an office tramp, but men wont call someone a tramp because of their shoes. So a secretary or a CEO can look professional while wearing their super sexy 5 inch stilettos that have a little sparkle. It makes her feel sexy and not look like a slut.

But of course, if you wore the same sexy shoe every day, it would stop feeling sexy after a while. So… we buy lots of shoes to keep the feeling alive. I’m sure men can relate, shoes are to us as women are to you. If you stick with the same woman too long you get bored and stop feeling sexy, well same goes for our shoes. And just like men, only the good expensive ones are reliable while the cheap ones will let you down when you most need them!

Women have a much easier time faking it than men, obviously. They do it for a number of reasons and some of them may surprise you! Since it’s kind of obvious if a man faked it or not, one has to appreciate the fact that the average women can pull of an academy award winning performance and dupe the same man for years on end without him ever knowing it. Don’t feel bad… if your reading this chances are that a women in your past has faked one with you too!

Case in point is the below well documented footage of one Meg Ryan who proves just how deceptively believable a woman can be when she sets her mind to it. Looking at the video you want to almost believe that she is actually giving herself a big O while faking it… but you would be wrong! They can do this anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.

HE SAID:

Okay as a man I have to say that I don’t really think much about if a woman is faking it or not. I think its best just to assume that they always are so that you don’t have to waste any of your energy really thinking about it.

I mean, if you’re going to be brutally honest, 99% of the time you are not in it to please someone else as a guy. I mean seriously would you be okay with NOT finishing if a woman finished first and something came up? Let’s say she finishes and just then you get a knock at the door or the phone rings and it’s somebody really important. Are you going to be okay with NOT finishing yourself but feeling pleased because at least you did your job and gave your woman the big O? HELL NO!!!

You can say whatever you want to other people but you know the truth is that you are in it for yourself. You aren’t “making love” to anybody but yourself if you’re a man! Men have goals and they meet their objectives. The objective of having sex for a man is to get his rocks off plain and simple. If the woman gets what she needs in the process then so be it, but as a man you gotta keep your eye on that primary objective!

If you want to keep your woman around your going to figure out that the best way to handle this whole orgasm problem is to make sure you knock out the woman’s needs first so that you can get down to business after the fact. In a single minded “one thing at a time” guy’s mind, this is the best solution since you can accomplish task A and then move on to task B! Multitasking doesn’t work out so well for most guys, especially when sex is involved.

Why are women able to fake it and not get called out? Well it’s pretty simple I think.

1. Men want to think they are the best and aren’t gonna let a little thing like reality get in the way of their ego.
2. Women are taking advantage of the fact that the man is in a weakened mental state and is not going to over analyze the situation. You don’t have to be Meryl Streep to pull one over on a guy that is doing the deed with you.

In closing I would like to say that all woman should always tell their man what a great lover they are and fake it if you have to until you can teach him how to do it right. You damn women like to fake headaches all the time, why not fake enjoying sex more often instead! Luckily this guy is an expert and doesn’t have to worry about that.

SHE SAID:

If you have to ask… than she faked it

Sorry guys, but all females fake it every now and then. If you think that no one’s ever faked it with you, well then you are delusional and you need to deflate your big ego, cause guess what? You’re not that good.

Why do women fake it? Well that’s easy… men are big babies. If you don’t make them feel like they are the best and the biggest you’ve ever had, they just don’t function as well. If they think that they can’t get you to orgasm… well, then it’s obvious that it has something to do with their size or technique. It couldn’t possibly be that only 50% of women orgasm during sex to begin with… no of course not.

Well here are a few pointers to tell if she is faking it or not:

1. If she sounds like a broken record with the moaning. That means that she is in complete “auto pilot” and is just waiting for it to be over with. You know what I’m talking about,” ohhh.. mmhhmm… ohhh… mmhmm” over and over with the same note… no change in breathing or tone in her voice… that is a clear sign that she is figuring out her schedule or her grocery list while you think you are giving her the best lay of her life.
2. If out of nowhere she starts talking dirty and getting real dramatic as if she was filming a porn… well that’s because she looked over at the time a realized you were taking too damn long so she figured she’d speed things up for you.
3. If she starts to tell you that she is going to orgasm… that is just so you get turned on enough with yourself so you will hurry up and finish. Because nothing turns a guy on more than being in “mission accomplished” mode.
4. If right after sex, she is not just laying there but instead putting her clothes back on before you are even done making your “mess” well then she really faked it and you were awful… she didn’t even find the need to keep pretending…
5. And the last sign … if you have to ask her if she came… then she faked it!

If you still think that you are one of those rare cases that make a girl orgasm all the time… I have a dare for you. Go to your nearest adult toy store or online kink shop and purchase any toy that vibrates. Try it out with your girl. If she tells you,” wow” and gets all snuggly with you afterward it because she’s never had an orgasm like that before in her life (And you’ll probably get some extra points for being such an insightful lover and buying this for her)!
Don’t feel bad guys, all girls fake it.